I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
