How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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