The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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