There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
