what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
