is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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