Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
