So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
