Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
