When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
