i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
