So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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