I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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