Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
