the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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