ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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