So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
