i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need a burrito and a hug.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
