i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Mom said you looked used
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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