Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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