your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
