what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
