I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
