What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
