How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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