This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
