first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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