He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
