Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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