I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
