oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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