11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
