a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
