you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
