i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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