You just made me feel so damn special
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We are two peas in an std pod
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
