Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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