Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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