what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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