My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
