Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
