Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
