you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
