I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
