yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
