I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
