chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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