when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
