I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
