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My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
