Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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