We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
