Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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