Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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