FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
