dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
