If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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