my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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