That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
