did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
