I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
