I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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