I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
