should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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