My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
