I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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