Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
